Ageing Redefined - Reinventing Meaning in The Traditional Way of Life

Silver Talkies Club Member Dr Pallavi Mody pays tribute to her mother-in-law, who redefined ageing, in a traditional way that enabled her to lead a fulfilling and enriched life. A different aspect of active ageing.

My in-laws decided to live separately in their seventies. They wanted to be physically and financially independent and live closer to the temple. They were before their time as, despite having sons and their families, they were determined to have an abode of their own. The year was 1994. Father passed away within five years of their moving after a prolonged incapacitating paralysis. It was brave of my mother-in-law to manage the entire two years of my father-in-law's bedridden state with household help and support from family, as everyone was just a phone call away. She was determined to live in the same house alone where she had spent 23 years- the best years of her life. She passed away peacefully and gracefully at the age of 96.

I want to talk about the quality and richness of the fulfilling life she led in this period. She adopted the Sangh (Jain temple community) as her family, and the community reciprocated by respecting her as a matriarch. Until the end, she lived an engaging, entertaining and vibrant life. People visit the Derasar (Jain temple) daily. She had a fixed time to go at 7.30 am in the morning. She would meet and greet people every morning in the temple and on the way back to the temple. Some of her neighbours fondly remember this daily short meet and greet session as they would be rushing out for work. 

The ladies' wing at the Sangh has mandals who meet in the afternoon once or twice for activities like singing bhajans and pujas. They visit to perform puja at people's houses for occasions like new houses or marriages. Such outings add a lot of excitement to the group. Ba, as we addressed my mother-in-law, would talk about the menu and every small detail of such outings for days. The community celebrates various Jain festivals like eight days long Paryushan with gusto. 

It was interesting to observe her remaining so busy. We had to call before visiting her as she would have several engagements. She was so satisfied that she would tell us not to go out of the way to visit her. She was happy to receive us if we went with the variety of sweets and snacks she made. She was also fine to talk to us on the phone. 

Ba was fond of cooking and trying out new recipes. She would watch the 'Rasoi show' every afternoon and write the recipes. She would see the repeat telecast in the evening to check if she had missed anything. Finally, she would make a fair copy of the recipe in her diary. She was an expert at making the Gujarati delicacy mohanthal and would go all out to make it at the slightest hint from family and friends. She would happily offer sweets or snacks to the visitors, neighbours and us. She was also fond of crochet work. She would make purses and gift them to people. 

Today with the longevity of life, the average age is moving from 70-75 to 85-90. The biggest issue is how can one fill life with engaging, satisfying and fulfilling activities?

Ba's life is a case in point. A sort of 'Sanyasashram' without going to the jungle or assisted living communities for senior citizens to find a meaningful alternative. Often in our zeal to find solutions to issues, we overlook traditions that have been operating for years. Whenever I have visited the temple community, I have felt a sense of ease and support. Maybe as we age, we need a simple, wholesome package of religion, engagement and fun with all kinds of social activities. 

Sometimes, our modernity takes us away from the simple joys of life. It is fun in simple activities like cooking, knitting, and singing. Let us reinvent meaning in the traditional ways of life.